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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
| Epic questions | |
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Your majesty.
There are some things that one just wonders: - What's that bleepy thing in that song I'm listening to? - What is the GNP of Botswana? Does it HAVE a GNP? - Where CAN I purchase quality electric caninds? - How the FUCK does my Honda's engine work? - What does Trent Reznor store in his sock draw? The big one, I mean. It is the last question that I will take a half-assed philosophical stab at, in an attempt to win you over to my side of the situation, your majesty. Aristotle SHANK ...I'm sorry, your majesty... ever since that stay in princeton... anyways. Some individuals of less vision might posit that Reznor stores only socks in his sock draw. It is simple to make a strong argument that such is not the case: often, when someone refers to such a storage unit, it may contain other undergarments, such as size XL tacos. It may not even be a drawer. It may be a storage bin. Sweet... sweet... storage bins... uuuhhhh... ...I'm sorry, your majesty. Anyways, I will continue. This possibility brings us to presumption one. Presumption one: Only boring people with lots of socks keep only socks in the sock "draw." Presumption two: Trent Reznor is not boring. One can presume this from his drastic fear of pigs and substantial collection of beautiful, rare, expensive, smashed-on-stage synthesizers. With such indications, we can infer that Reznor not only stores more than socks in the aforementioned storage unit, but something interesting. This is conjecture one. I doubt he has a repository of quality electric canids in his Sock Storage Unit (hereafter abbreviated "SSU") - while he is a man of great means, the infamous "red robe" picture dictates that he is not a man of taste. At least while intoxicated. Which brings us to lemma 1: Since Trent's SSU != Boring, I have no idea what the fuck I am arguing. After all, who doesn't hate Robert Heinlein in a mumu? For the great Confucus said: "Robert Heinlein in great mumu is large amounts of teh ass." Since ol' Robbie is busy numbering the beast and doens't have a mumu, we can safely conclude, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Trent Reznor stores the mumu of the moment in his SSU. The sociopolitical ramifications of such fiduciary disruptions are immense, and stress the potential religious consequences of the situation. Pope Johnny P wouldn't be tossing his hat up on this one - no sir (unrelated warning: the hat contains a freon laser). The presence of the mumu in the renowned Reznor SSU is perhaps the greatest archeological find of the 18th century. It is essential, your majesty, that you sponser a small fleet of three ships, so that we may travel to the Reznor India and bring back the finest mumus this country has ever seen from the depths of the Reznor SSU. I thank your for your time, your majesty. And that is a SMASHING ski mask, if I may say so, your majesty. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-25 23:55:36 | |
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| HOT NEW TV DRAMA | |
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HE'S AN ANGRY RUTABAGA FROM FORT THIMBLEWORTH, AND SHE'S A NUTTY TAX ACCOUNTANT FROM QUEENS.
TOGETHER, THEY FIGHT CRIME. COMING THIS FALL ON LIFETIME! LIMETIME: A QUEST TO BRING YOU THE BEST SHOWS THAT NO ONE WILL WATCH. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-22 22:29:21 | |
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| TECHNO | |
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Cruising in from the tachyonic subterranian disco factory, I disconnected my phone, and sent a jolt from the three-phase power supply up Ma Bell's ass.
Distraction 1 elimiated. The TV didn't see what was coming. Elvis would have been jealous. Distraction 2 eliminated. The refridgerator, once pushed properly, rolled nicely down the hill and into my neighbor's tool shed. It was a fucking prissy appliance, anyways. Distraction 3 eliminated. I couldn't set my car on fire. Damn '72 Lincoln Continental Mark IV's. If it wasn't for how I laughed when it sliced beamers in half... I gave up and slashed the tires. Distraction 4 eliminated. I didn't feel like destroying the toilet. I wasn't THAT drunk. Distraction 5 spared. Now, the point. I was now distraction free. I then settled down in front of my computer, and queued up some hard trance. Sometimes you just have to hear 303's farting for an hour or five, you know? ... and screw ANYONE or ANYTHING that interfered. Take that lesson with you, my little marmosets. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-21 02:30:46 | |
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| CAHRTER | |
| toadio a I lplay o' A IGMAEEE. IT ACALSL ED A SMASHIN KEYBIOARD if honda is our devil and yugo BOSS is our god who wats a afcial | |
| Posted by DOLT45 @ 2003-08-20 01:44:23 | |
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| A CRY FOR HELP!@#@*# | |
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HELLO, LITTLE BOY! MR. BURKE NEEDS YOUR HELP DETERMINING THE FRICTION COEFFICIENT OF THIS DELICIOUS SAUSAGE THAT HAPPENS TO BE FASTENED TO HIS GROIN. WON'T YOU HELP HIM? |
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2003-08-18 20:40:07 | |
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| g4m3 sh0w | |
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Mark Summers: OMG WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU ALL TODAY IT IS TIME FOR DOUBLE DARE. Audience: OMG LOLS Mark Summers: LETS MEET OUR CONTESTANTS. TEAM 1???? Team 1: HIE SRI Mark Summers: TEAM 2? Team 2: OMG HI Mark Summers: LETS BEGIN LOL. TEAM ONE. YOU MUST ANSWER TEH QUESTION. THE QUESTION IS: JUJUGADS? Team 1: OMG FRET FRET Mark Summers: TIEM IS RUNNING OUT Team 1: WE DARE THE OTHER TEAM LOLOLLOLOL Team 2: OMG HELP WE ARE LOST DOUBLE DARE Mark Summers: TEAM 1, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE THE CHALLENGE??!?! Team 1: WAT IS IT Mark Summers: YOU MUST HACK THE GIBSON Team 1: WE ACCEPPT Mark Summers: U HAF 60 SECONDS GO Team 1: *HACKS HARD* Mark Summers: 30 SEONCDS LEFT Team 1: OMG STFU N00B Mark Summers: BZZZZRRRTTT! TIME SI UP Team 1: OMG ASSHAT U R SO GETTING PRANKK CALLED AND THAT'S WHY MARK SUMMERS' CAREER IS IN THE SHITTER |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-17 02:11:25 | |
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| You can't stop this feeeling | |
| 80s rock is the hardest shmilts in kmawkrl. | |
| Posted by DOLT45 @ 2003-08-16 21:44:38 | |
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| Rutabaga | |
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We all love rutabagas...
...but... What if there were a rutabaga? What if you were unable to grope said rutabaga? Would you really beleive that the rutabaga exists? More importantly, would the rutabaga beleive you exist? What the fuck do rutabagas think about, anyways? They probably think about how ugly we look. They're pretentious little fuckers. A rutabaga hit my dog once. Then it ran away. The pussy. Every rutabaga should die. Repeatendly. We all hate rutabagas... And that's why Ralph Nader should never teach second graders. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-16 21:37:12 | |
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| POEPTRy!% | |
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this is a P O E M GIVE ME $20!!!@#%$! |
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2003-08-14 20:43:10 | |
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| I wish I was Bolton Sized | |
| Today, I was sitting on my sofa, and my telephone started to ring. So, I asked it why it rang, and it replied with something snotty as if it was supposed to ring, so I threw it in the toilet. Then I took it out and baked it in the oven at 275 degrees. It would be wrong to bake it about 350 degrees. At this temperature, the butter evaporates too fast rather than slowly baking into the plastic. OH FUCKING CRUST, MY SAUCE IS JAMIQUORAI | |
| Posted by DOLT45 @ 2003-08-14 13:01:36 | |
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| Sunset at the lame monastary | |
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Lean, mean, and clean.
The bosses like it that way. Reznor will definitely be giving you a pay raise. The zarblefotz had not gone down without a struggle - your +12 water buffalo lies to the side, battered and broken. It simply did not deploy its reserve ass in time. Such is the way of the fast food industry. You note this lesson, and as you move on, you feel wiser in the ways of life. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-14 02:09:44 | |
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| An Introductory Tome On the Wonders of R.O.Y. | |
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You may have heard about a ROY. Across time, there have been numerous ROY's. Roy C. Gerbil. Roy the town. Homey G. Roy. This ROY, however, is a Hamburglar of a different stripe. Yes, while the innocence of the archetypical Hamburglar was proved in the Mystery of the Missing French Fries, this ROY is unproved. Ergo, this tome shall attempt to demonstrate the full capability and awe-inspiring flatulent power of this web site. Is this ROY more than mockery of a tricked-out Yugoslavian beater? Yes. Yes, and yes*. While such subjects provide a good pedestal of launching +3, other sources of propulsion are required for the long haul on the ever-demanding World Wide Wart. Put loosely, ROY is a loose fellowship between three "comedic" asshats, one of which is myself. What do we bring to the table? I think this question is best answered with a classical logical thought experiment: the grandmother test. In the grandmother test, it is described how we each react to meeting your beloved grand-maternal unit. So: 1. I, the Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker, will make fun of your grandmother. What can we conclude from this experiment? I think it is safe to say this web site won't be regarded as "family-friendly," once we get some content up. In fact, it is more than likely that it will viciously mock and offend some people, in language unfit for wholesome prime-time bore-fests. When a muse (A rutabaga?) speaks to one of us (and real-life situations permit), an article or other such amusement shall be typed and/or scrawled in crayon, then posted here for public (that's PUBLIC, not pubic) enjoyment. In short, we're like a blog that outright refuses to suck. Excelsior! Once the development stage is done, this web site shall support numerous features: in addition to the articles, we plan to have an article comment system, trackback, and forums. For ROY to make the optimal impression on your mind, it is recommended that you do such things as "learn to take a joke" and "learn what the fuck sarcasm means." You know, things your neighbor Jed has steadfastly refused to do, much to your chagrin. What should you do now? You should spread the word about this particular ROY. You should contribute to discussions in the forum. You should check ROY regularly. Oh, and you should congratulate fuckle on his purchase of a cactus. * Did I miscount the questions, here? My up arrow is broken, and I can't fix
it until the next gub'ment check comes. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-14 01:44:36 | |
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| HALLO | |
| MY NAME SI FUCKLE!!!#51 I WILL BE YUOR WAITER YESTERDAY!@$ OUR SPECIAL IS PANIS | |
| Posted by fuckle @ 2003-08-14 01:31:58 | |
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| Another test | |
| OMG '"'"''' | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2003-08-14 01:28:48 | |
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| I am yar Dolt | |
| Can you cap a motherfuckin' dolt like meeee | |
| Posted by DOLT45 @ 2003-08-14 01:15:42 | |
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| A test | |
Cactus@#$//^& |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 0000-00-00 00:00:00 | |
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