leant a pencil on a stencilled lentil

1. Black Poofy Jackets with The Goose Brand™ logo
2. Black Baseball Caps with The Goose Brand™ logo
3. White-Label Vinyl Records [mostly acid house]

ansel elgort is at da club and all the girls at 
his table; he takes one home

the next morning he wakes up and instead of ansel
elgort it's some pimply guy with glasses and the
chick whose house it is sees him and is like, oh,
uhh, errr.... I mean good morning¹

the guy says, "I freaking love this jacket"

then he puts it on and poof! he transforms back
into Ansel Elgort in a puff of smoke

then it's just a goose brand logo for a second or
two with a disclaimer: The Goose Brand™ will not
actually turn you into Ansel Elgort²

¹ This is 2023 and it has to be like we see her
real reaction but then we see her catch herself
and be polite because she doesn't want to hurt the
pimply guy's feelings. Because if she vomits or
something that would imply a lack of consent

² The disclaimer is in, like 60pt red font as in
ha-ha this is a disclaimer, it really is, but
we're also being ironic

pussy gibe your octopush
in the push the benis bush
beak on, call me, what's ur cell
if eight leg, veganaswell?

octopussy ink me dad
make me scare. make me mad.
mollusc bollusc stores the pee
from shining sea to mining V

sing a song of sixpence
a pocketful of rye
four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie
when the pie was opened
the birds began to sing
Florida Man Ate 24 Live Blackbirds. This is What Happened to His Body

• i murdered johnny depp
• i only murdered johnny depp because james franco sexually assaulted me during an acting class
• i'm at the bottom of the oceans

  if (how_loaded.isLoaded()) {
    bool gonna_get_burned = false;
    gardenHose.load(); // load bees with clown slobber and toxins
    while (!gonna_get_burned && !beehive_under_porch->empty()) {
      // we're all gonna get fucking burned bitches! 
      for (int i = 0; i < beehive_under_porch->size(); ++i) {
        if (!gonna_get_burned) {
          cIntoxicant clownSlobber(how_loaded); // load clowns with toxins
          gardenHose.load(); // load bees with clown slobber and toxins
          gonna_get_burned = true; 
        } else {
          gardenHose.release(); // unload bees into the world
        }
      }
    }

I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            I'm on da grind so let me get my money up,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            It is a good day to be the king of the south,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            What's up Southside?
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            You can't tell me shit on my street cause I kick it,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

Previous 20 entries