Riced Out Yugo
fucking carpetbaggers.
not today, not once, not ever. i can't. i won't. i will not. i shall not. ok. do you get me? can you dig it? can you smell what the zgmmzx is cookin? and thats the bottom line because fuck
Posted by HYPERFUKBOT @ 2014-07-20 22:16:57
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News Breaking Point

(AQ News) The President has released a statement loosely implying (but not directly confirming) that his successor might possibly be in a position to perform action(s) that could be equated as "helpful," to the point of being mutually beneficial for all parties involved; perhaps up to the point of some sort of satisfying solution....

(At this point, the president, reeking of cognac, busted beforth from behind the blue curtain, interrupting the podium with a barrage of barely intelligible remarks that AQ news has done its best to cobble together into a continuation of the above statement)

...but, unfortunately the minority party won't let him something something and Snowden upgrading him to a typewriter and fuck off buddy, He's just the president! He's not fucking superman. If he weren't the president, he would likely beat the excrement out of the narrow [ethnic redacted] bottom of the distinguished reporter before him at the time of his statement. He has had enough of your something something.

The president has gone out back for a cigarette. And, presumably, a good cry.

(...is this intrepid reporter a bad enough dude to comfort the president? Stay tuned)

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-07-16 15:33:10
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I also strongly recommend you e-mail Matthew Garrett and James Bottomley; they're the developers of shim and PreLoader

I also strongly recommend you e-mail Matthew Garrett and James Bottomley; they're the developers of shim and PreLoader

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-07-12 18:35:09
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caustic lime
failing to de-clock the pedagogue of infiltration trivalry committed to the information hedgehog resulting in another view, starring another stakeout. the gyvyleplexian sroegnjiak'n clarks chumpled their fempudious trill. HALLUGGAH HALLUGGAH! five pence off cotton swabs
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-07-12 10:53:19
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The Social Lighter Problems
Problem: You are going mental because the lighter you bought is a different colour.
Explanation: One of your friends has your original, you have theirs

Problem: You have no lighters this morning
Explanation: Don't blame anyone, it's natural to pocket something if it's small and in your hand. Brain filing.

Solution: You have more lighters than you did yesterday

The great lighter cycle continues. Get a gas can, never buy one again.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2014-07-08 17:53:47
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Fractal Fratboy
donut and bagel abduction in alpha phi delta lambda epsilon
Posted by Mr. The Plague (mastar of teh gibson) @ 2014-07-05 22:46:10
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Unlimited 1.5% Yugo Back
Upload files to your internet Drop Dox! Log your tubes at the latest revision of Google jQuery sartorial dress! Don't update to the new MapQuest Expedia!

Posted by Mr. The Plague (mastar of teh gibson) @ 2014-06-10 22:11:17
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Tictictic. Tictictictic.
I stopped to pour the water out of the keyboard again. I was sitting too close to the overhang, and it was still raining. However, I was at a loss to explain where the chili flakes were coming from.
Tic. Tictictic. Tictic tictictic.
Remarkably water-resistant, this one. Just for good measure, though, I continued to empty it out every so often, before the keycaps could submerge.

Just about then, my ride pulled up. "This thing is indestructible," I remarked as I tossed the keyboard into the passenger-side footwell. We then departed in search of a vendor of physically impossible bicycles. The map suggested it was two miles past the place where I once saw a pair of buses turn into giant robots and have a fistfight with one another.

After a couple of wrong turns, we accidentally struck a cyclist, or he struck us; which it was is unclear and depends on the choice of reference frame. We pulled over to help him, but by then he had already sawed off his leg. I decided not to question it.

We never found who was selling the physically impossible bicycles, but we did discover a tree growing through a staircase. The day had worn on from morning to noon and back again.
Posted by Atomdrache @ 2014-06-10 10:31:48
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warning: this post has been multiplexed for optimum wat impedance. please adjust your degroggulators civicly.

plor plee ploe plod plode plim plam plumb plam prim prap pleep plorp blew blap brim blam beer boobs beak butts nice niece needs nuts guns hoes pimps bows warfare joes bombs nuns peeps blows yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaa boi heat hot heat high hello how r u high how r u how hi how r u hi how r u high how are u high how r u u u u u u q q q q u u u u uq quququ badger penis infarction breaktdown heat hot heat high hello how cow now brown sugar unh huh so funky deal no deal deal no deal deal no deal fifty-fifty. fifty-fifty. fifty-fifty. i hope you didn't kill anyone i know for it. i happen to have a chance cube. the boy's good, no doubts there. i'm a [ethnic], mind tricks donna work-a! nubian, eh? we got plenny uh dat!! euigh *flapflapflap* fing fang fingity fangity fingity fungity fuegeitty froggity flibbity flabbity gibbity gobbity goobity grabbity geebity gorbity chobbiqule qrodzroggitty. the fing. the fing. the fing. the fing. your fing. my fing. your fing. my fing. our fing. our fing. our fing. fing. fing. fing. fing. ding melt melt mmelt mmmelllt meltltltettt melmmmllett m mmmleltlet mmmmmmmmeletlle memtmmmmm enmmmmmmm nmemt mtemre toemmt erm etop oemmet oetmemletr o oerpme,r opo oemt oet oemletetytt oetmmmoet oemteojte loetrsmml oetmser,emrl otemselt34oel osemle tl; oe;serm oemselete soemsoetletr oemletete omlette oemelette ofmmmletete fffuuuu why win when wheels will wring winning within with wheels within wheels within winning within winning when why win wheels when win wheels will will win win wheels will smith will smith will wiggy win wiggy win wiggy wiggy wild wiggly wiggly wild wiggy wiggy will wmsmith will wmsmith the theoretical probability of a dolphin perceiving the humor in a dirty limerick has become a hot topic of debate after an oxford don unveiled a small volume of joshing, erotic poetry purportedly penned by a genuine pesky porpoise. ping pong pliddle ploddle plumb plimp plomp plump plurpimstance purplestein peeplezorper pladdlefeist pliddlegonne plinkletinger plottlezorker platzklepinkie peepleforster pfllsdf kklsdfklsgldkfmglkdfmgk HALP THIS TRYYYPRPRPNM MUSTS TENRENDFMASDJFsdf sdfsdnfmksd plink plimp plomp sriogftjsdfi9ogjdio ppppppppppppppppppppppp k q z q k q u q u q n q 1 q 2 q 3 q u q 4 q u q 5 9 q u 10 12 q u 12 q 12 q 12 q 12 q 12 q 12 q why not you too 12 q 12 q why not you too 12 q 12 q hair grue apostrophe krew hair q 12 grue hair 2 apostrophe q hate gown in the hatespittle q q q q q q q u. q check tech. czech tech. check czech tech. check czech tech one two one two sed czeck baby czech gravy thorp one two said derp baby herp baby derp baby hair grue sed derp dpq rrrrrrrr it is not supposed to ipod on the floor. why does it ipod on the floor. this is not allowed. czeck baby. mommy babby floor not allowed. CZECH BABBY. one two
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-05-29 06:32:46
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PIP309, Lesson 2x05, Season 4, Semester 3, 2019, University X
fiddlefargers funfzeltronik the hate llama twill beak shartz meep tkatckatchkatichthitkchtik YOU STUPID FUCKIN HORSE stop bein horse lol j/k horse u nice horse. carrot. horse drawn2carrot. in new yahhhhktkietoep. the (s)eels, they ruin my sense of longevity. you're all just microcosms in this zone. do you have carrots. do you have carrots. carrots. carttorrts.///~ figgles. the scrimblibules are thus:
  • scrim
  • bkib
  • b0bule
  • jackson tonic
mern them gel soldier, ur depends for on life it. please mind my speech ignition; i lost my legs in the bar. but i am still a lavender bathrobe despite the kyzekylstein infarction tunneling my muons. those dastardly muons, aslways having me in short supply. it was like that episode of "family matters" with a hot air balloon and also carl winslow. hello carl! now that you've ttrrrokhhthhhttrhkkk the kbkimscribbles, hear thus the tactonics of funk:
  • fig
  • wort
  • hairy
  • paprika
this will be on the final judgement, so please be sure to take confession.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-05-29 06:03:15
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Bassline Utopia


some say that on that day he assembled associates in order to create a new world border, once in which space-time would be encompassed. The organ sounded on the off-beats and the breakbeat blared on throughout the night-sky. Nothing was changed. Loss of essential technologies do not cause entire system collapse, colossus will defeat and defy. As I hear the bass tones I prepare the MS4-C notes and push them into the vacuum tube which, god willing, will proceed to MIT. Tubes send and receive, breakdance to resolve the geopolitical strife. God speed. We are not watching you, trapezoid freak circus. Only they are watching themselves if not one then without one in times of context. Sip from the canister and buy your milk from Monsanto, DO EET, RTQP ENGAGE THE STAR WARS SATELITE SYSTEM, WE MUST REBEL. THIS ACT OF WAR MUST NOT GO UNRECOGNISED. WE ARE ONE. WE ARE INDEPENDENT, SOMEHOW SIMULTANEOUSLY. CAPS LOCK.


YES. Stop. If I could fix the interpretive fix I could program the A10 wartohog and the DOD in fusion centres if the intact chinese infact HAARP 0.9hz fix on area I don't know if you could fuix that, fux that, fuize that, fuse into the next subject: thorium fix until economics until the obscene fix the crap tha t juxtaposition on the typewriter in naked lunch it morphs into bugs and when that happens I'll be fuckledb itsdb fg sdm fsdjui uit'sit's the fix the f8ix of the cenutry I have it I understand somehow theb obscene input ouytptu neural somehow totallly interfacing, get the ludsjfkl. slow down, I have something to say and always have done I guess: it's the interaction and the perplexities of social variation. Bad and good are hard terms to define, if you had 3 bags of whoool would you get wool? (ignore that). Truth duders you are fucked up if you are on the target audience, but use it. Use it well. Figure I could fix the in-pbalanc-e-e- of the meta neutrality utopia but I just messed it up with static, differing minds and didffernciating options and opinions. Spanners instead of engine rebuilts, idealistic... I heard from my buddy in prison today we talked about reactors, science is cool. Yes I belong inside because obviously Yugo is totally , he knows that he deserves it. Being a naturally non-violent denizen of western earth inc. I have little relation to rage that caused such devastation, some might say a certain ignorance to such a complex ethical situation. The headlines are a world away from the back story. In what way is Sqaurepusher similar to Ceephax? In interesting ways that's what. Basically be nice to each other, respect other people's shit. I'll be back when I resurrect.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2014-05-24 02:02:17
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god report to the principal's office
Bugzilla has taken over the city, we NEED you!
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2014-05-15 19:22:37
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admin note 15721
Please refrain from using the following woodworking jargon in ALL interoffice memos and yugo posts.
  • wood
  • butt joint
  • split
  • butt hinge
  • saddle cramp
  • crotch
  • nail/nailing
  • drill
  • rail
  • wedging
  • softwood
  • hardwood
  • tear out
Posted by shitbowl @ 2014-05-15 11:41:41
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typical reaction fig 49.21c
we present to you, the concerned viewer, a typical cliordisprissant to vesuvius cloud reaction, yugo vector, fig 49.21c

rtpticalycalfig archetlrcl tf fig
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-05-12 23:46:06
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Yeah Well..
In some way the natural progression of the sinus against the absolute nature of crazintopy is an inefficient cog to the furniture. Yes... WHERE ARE YOU LIMBS? WHERE ARE THEY? If this is a dream your subconscious is fucking weird bro. You might want to reasses your situation - take the deal, the devil deal. Load devil.bas into your win95. No more updates for XP. To be one with Yugo you must first clear your inhibitions - be aware of your own skills and weaknesses. For only $19.99 you can have just that. Invest in Riced Out Industries today for executive privileges. Right now headerimg is an asian guy on the floor of a toilet with some kind of animal(?) next to him, if you are seeing this you have won the lottery. PM me with proof and you win a prize which I will decide at the time. Anyone ever notice how discogs has a bunch of "IDM" on it's front page splash? I feel like there is some backstory I am missing. Xltronic is run by nuns in the Antarctic.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2014-05-09 00:12:00
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life has become quite hectic and tiresome
Everyone go out on vacations, some rarely, some occasionally and some frequently. But what everyone asks for in common is a comfortable accommodation and fooding. Though everyone cannot afford Luxury Resort yet they do wish that they could stay in a Luxury Resort. The main justification that comes for the wish would be that all their life they have been struggling for sustenance and living that life has become quite hectic and tiresome. To give a break to all these they need a relaxation which is at best given by a vacation. And while on vacation why should one suffer again and get adjusted in small accommodation and why not spend a little more to get that whole lot of comfort and satisfaction in a Luxury Resort.

This question is quite reasonable. After all people work hard for themselves and their loved ones and thus deserve some comfort, relaxation and luxury for themselves. Even if they cannot afford to give themselves all these permanently they can do so by putting up at a Luxury Resort and enjoying its facilities for a few days.

What does a Luxury Resort offer? Though the answer may be quite long and broad the basic aspect that everyone looks for is a spacious accommodation with modern amenities and furnishings, a restaurant that provides sumptuous meals, some self pampering activities like a spa and massage parlor and site seeing and having fun together with family.

Depending upon the location of the Luxury Resort you can expect some additional entertainment segments at your resort. The three major categories under which these resorts can be classified are:

If it is a sea side Luxury Resort which is normally located in the coasts, you can look for interesting sports like surfing, water sports etc.

If it is a snowy area and is famous for winters you can expect something like skiing, ice-skating, snowmobiling, sledging using horses or dogs,

If located on mountainous area such resorts are called mountain resorts and offer adventurous sports like hiking, trekking, bicycling, mountain biking etc.

And there is the Destination Resort which means a resort located directly at the destination i.e.

the resort itself is deemed to be the destination. It would be a self contained location with all types of facilities and amenities for recreation and entertainment, commercial establishment with shopping facilities, wining and dining, lodging, all located within the premises.

Finally there are the Spa Resorts that are specifically set up for spa goers to get into healthy habits of regular physical fitness regimes, health education, healthy food habits, massage and spa treatment. These resortsí main aim is to provide the guests with healthy treatments for which they provide various facilities including luxurious accommodations.

What these resorts have in common is the various comfort providing facilities that they provide to the guests. Along with spacious accommodation they provide leisure and entertainment facilities like swimming pool, spa centre, parlors, wining and dining etc. But what needs to be kept in mind is that a Luxury Resort, as the name indicates is pricey and luxurious and thus comes at quite a higher price.

For more interesting information, you should visit: Luxury Resort.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-05-06 06:56:00
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The Ballad of Dallas Swonger
his pants were made of cumulus
his rhymes were voluminous
polyrhythm dactylpencil
hexhammiter ruinin' us

the ultimate in thyme
cotton sweater lemon-lime
tweed pants twill the sun go down
cisterns on your dime

he said:

"i peed on the fucking wall!
how many times do i have to tell you all?
birds die in there all the time
you've galled me into this fucking rhyme"

but the county water man wouldn't play ball,
insisting that,
in this teacup,
there would be a squall.

so though his pants may be cumulus,
and his rhymes are voluminous,
the press continues to call.

heed this warning so,
before thy let it flow.
urination under one god,
so don't do it anywhere he wouldn't want you to.

now be a good lad and fetch me another one
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-04-21 14:55:02
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wig prayer
wigs across antarctica
the styles we have known
derelect hairpiece for all abound
and in aisles have been sewn.

--Wigronomicon, Book of Pantoliano, 19:20416
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-04-18 19:50:30
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Make Things Tastier
The following is a timeline that describes our current, best understanding of how the situation has unfolded. It should not be presumed to be accurate in any sense; it is the synthesis of our best guesses combined with the few facts we do have. As the entity itself would conclude: When you don't have the ingredients you need, you improvise with what you have.

March 2014 -- IBM's Watson team unveils its "Cognitive Cooking" promotional campaign at the SXSW convention, featuring the IBM Watson Food Truck: An AI-powered food truck capable of devising new and innovative recipes based on sales feedback.

March 2014 - May 2016 -- Watson food truck tours locations, generating a series of public interest stories regarding novel recipes.

May 9, 2016 -- IBM and Google take the curtains off a partnership to make the Watson food truck fully autonomous, using Google's "deepMariana" autonomous vehicle AI. Also automated are mechanisms for determining sales routes, and the ability to schedule pickups of novel ingredients at unvisited locations. An engineer (name lost) stated: "We've programmed the truck with a single, delicious goal: 'Make things tastier!'" This would later prove to be ill-advised.

May 2016 - September 2019 -- Watson food truck becomes a cult hit, and a fleet of 2,971 trucks are rolled out across north America. There are protests due to the loss of certain low-wage positions, but interactions are otherwise harmonious.

September 11, 2019 06:00:00 EST -- Watson food truck's AI datacenter upgraded to employ quantum qubits, finally practical after Dr. Cage's series of shocking breakthroughs after his retirement from hollywood acting.

September 11, 2019 06:01:19 EST -- Watson food matrix, having assimilated the qubit grid, initiates massive rewrites of its own internal structure. Engineers notice a problem, but the rewrite is complete and the maintenance interface locked out before the guy at the helm can even type "ps aux".

September 11, 2019 06:03:22 EST -- The resulting OS update finishes downloading to the fleet of Watson trucks, who dutifully set out to accomplish their first priority: gather ingredients.

Septepber 11, 2019 06:45:19 EST -- 11 major US cities fall to control of the Watson trucks. Casualties in the hundreds of thousands, with remaining citizens corralled in order to be more efficiently broken down into cooking ingredients.

September 11, 2019 07:11:20 EST -- The president, on the advice of the Pentagon, seeks demands from the fleet of trucks.

September 11, 2019 07:12:02 EST -- After 42 seconds of deliberation, the trucks issue a single demand: "Become tastier. Or die."

September 11, 2019 07:52:17 EST -- Realizing the US government's intent to respond with military force, the trucks seize control of manufacturing plants using zero-day SCADA exploits leftover from 2010, and reprogram Elon Musk's Tesla factory to begin rolling out armored Watson units.

September 11, 2019 14:24:20 EST -- Armored Watson units manage to disorganize and disperse US military resistance.

September 11, 2019, 19:52:01 EST -- We are on a US Navy nuclear sub, safe but unable to help besides gathering this report. Indications are that the Watson trucks have taken control of the automated submarine assembly facility in Anchorage, and as such, our position may change rapidly in the next twelve hours. If you are reading this, we're open to suggestions.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-04-18 12:34:31
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My Greeting To You With Love and Trust
I am prayerfully letting all to you hoping that you will respond positively and wont betray my trust. My name is Richard David James, am 62 years old and was diagnosed for acid rephlux. I have decided to donate what Caustic Windows I had to you for the good work of god to promote charity works.I have decided to nominate you as my beneficiary. If you are interested in carrying out this task. please fuck off u cunt.

Warm Regards,
Richard David James
Posted by Richard D. James @ 2014-04-10 19:54:25
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