1. Black Poofy Jackets with The Goose Brand™ logo
2. Black Baseball Caps with The Goose Brand™ logo
3. White-Label Vinyl Records [mostly acid house]

ansel elgort is at da club and all the girls at 
his table; he takes one home

the next morning he wakes up and instead of ansel
elgort it's some pimply guy with glasses and the
chick whose house it is sees him and is like, oh,
uhh, errr.... I mean good morning¹

the guy says, "I freaking love this jacket"

then he puts it on and poof! he transforms back
into Ansel Elgort in a puff of smoke

then it's just a goose brand logo for a second or
two with a disclaimer: The Goose Brand™ will not
actually turn you into Ansel Elgort²

¹ This is 2023 and it has to be like we see her
real reaction but then we see her catch herself
and be polite because she doesn't want to hurt the
pimply guy's feelings. Because if she vomits or
something that would imply a lack of consent

² The disclaimer is in, like 60pt red font as in
ha-ha this is a disclaimer, it really is, but
we're also being ironic

pussy gibe your octopush
in the push the benis bush
beak on, call me, what's ur cell
if eight leg, veganaswell?

octopussy ink me dad
make me scare. make me mad.
mollusc bollusc stores the pee
from shining sea to mining V

sing a song of sixpence
a pocketful of rye
four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie
when the pie was opened
the birds began to sing
Florida Man Ate 24 Live Blackbirds. This is What Happened to His Body

• i murdered johnny depp
• i only murdered johnny depp because james franco sexually assaulted me during an acting class
• i'm at the bottom of the oceans

  if (how_loaded.isLoaded()) {
    bool gonna_get_burned = false;
    gardenHose.load(); // load bees with clown slobber and toxins
    while (!gonna_get_burned && !beehive_under_porch->empty()) {
      // we're all gonna get fucking burned bitches! 
      for (int i = 0; i < beehive_under_porch->size(); ++i) {
        if (!gonna_get_burned) {
          cIntoxicant clownSlobber(how_loaded); // load clowns with toxins
          gardenHose.load(); // load bees with clown slobber and toxins
          gonna_get_burned = true; 
        } else {
          gardenHose.release(); // unload bees into the world
        }
      }
    }

I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            I'm on da grind so let me get my money up,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            It is a good day to be the king of the south,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            What's up Southside?
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            You can't tell me shit on my street cause I kick it,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

 * Septic systems throughout history
   * Roman Septicarium as the first modern Septicry
       The septic systems of Ancient Rome were actually a marvel of engineering, and some 
       of the earliest record of such an invention. The Romans invented the first Septicry 
       with their innovative design to collect human waste from the city's streets into the 
       nearby seas.
   * Etruscan Evolutionary Engineering Septic Offshoots
       In the year 674 BC, a group of merchants in the southwest of Italy started developing 
       the first offshoot of this new invention. This was to be known as the "Etruscan 
       Septicry" because they were Etruscans, and they had evolved from the Roman tradition.
   * Egyptian Pyramid Septic Systems
       In a similar fashion to Rome's, the Egyptians used their pyramids in much the same way 
       as the Romans used the seas of Rome -- they would collect waste from the streets into 
       the Nile River.
   * Sumerian Septic Systems of The Dead
       Unlike the other two civilizations mentioned, the Sumerians were one of the first to 
       use their septic systems in a religious sense. They developed and used what was known 
       as the "Septicry of The Dead," which served as a way to honor their ancestors' dead 
       remains. These Septicries would have people throw money into them, which was later 
       collected by priests who handled the remains.
   * Transgender Septic: Ahead of its time
       Some of the most advanced septic designs in history came from Ancient Rome and 
       Greece, but one of their greatest innovations in this field was the creation of the 
       "Transgender Septic." This was one of the earliest examples of a septic that could 
       accommodate both sexes. It became a staple of this era as the world began to become 
       more tolerant.
   * Unisex Septic: Timeless
       Over two-thousand years later, the designers behind what is now known as the "Unisex 
       Septic" would be able to create their version of this invention. This septic system 
       still stands today as one of the most iconic and important innovations in human 
       history.
    * Transgender Septic: Ahead of its time
    * Unisex Septic: Timeless
 * New York City's 1962 Septic Failure: A Case Study
   * Too Big: All those salty pretzels have to go somewhere
       The sheer scale and quantity of waste that these cities were producing made them 
       extremely expensive to run. This led to the invention of the "Septic Fail" system, 
       which was a series of trenches used to hold all the human waste from New York City 
       until it reached the Hudson River.
   * Too Fail: All the salty pretzels went into The Hudson
       Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, these trenches would overflow, 
       and this polluted water would flow down into The Hudson, which caused a series of 
       problems for New York City's watershed. This was one of the most costly mistakes 
       that had ever been made.
   * Dominos: The Hudson went into The Hudson
       Because of all the money spent on trying to solve this problem, there was simply no 
       more left in the budget to build a better system. As such, they were forced to 
       continue down the same path, and would be stuck with dealing with the consequences 
       of their actions until 1962, when they finally ran out of money.
    * Too Big: All those salty pretzels have to go somewhere
    * Too Fail: All the salty pretzels went into The Hudson
    * Dominos: The Hudson went into The Hudson
     * Over sixteen-thousand casualties: The Hudson Dominos, then The Hudson Pretzels; BIG FAIL
 * New York City's Septic System in 2023: Unsustainable Scale
     In the year 2018, a series of environmental catastrophes led to the creation of what 
     would be known as "The Water Saturation Act," which required all urban areas to stop 
     creating wastewater, or pay an enormous fine. This caused New York City to come up 
     with a new solution: vertical integration.
      * Vertical Integration of The Global Septic System: A game-changer
           Vertical Integration was the newest innovation in septic systems that allowed 
           for massive amounts of human waste to be processed into drinkable water at an 
           affordable cost for all people. This invention would change the world, and it 
           changed it almost immediately. The first cities to use this system were New York 
           City, Washington D.C., San Francisco, Chicago, and Los Angeles.
      * Patented technology from Ivy-League research labs
         Over a hundred patents have been filed on Vertical Integration of The Global Septic 
         System by a diverse group of institutions, including Columbia University, Stanford 
         University, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and the University of 
         California Berkeley. These patents are all based on cutting-edge technologies that 
         allow for the treatment of wastewater so that it is cleaned to standards that have 
         been approved by the EPA and FDA.
             These institutions would continue to research Vertical Integration, but also 
             other methods for treating human waste. One such institution was Yale University. 
             As a result of their research, they were able to pioneer many revolutionary 
             methods inverse-gradient the class of wastewater.
 * Our Septic Vision
    * Convincing Consumers: Enjoying the Cost-Savings of a Lower Vertical
       The invention of Vertical Integration of The Global Septic System had been an immediate 
       success, but people still needed to be convinced that it was better for them and their 
       environment. As such, our researchers set out to study how to convince people to use 
       this new system. What they found was a simple trick: cost-savings.
    * Flush with Clash: How old money prevents change in septic systems
         Old-money families have long used their wastewater and water supplies as status 
         symbols. This is one of the reasons that Vertical Integration has remained difficult 
         to implement; it flies in the face of their beliefs, so they do what any good 
         capitalist would: they clash with the system.
    * Septic systems throughout history
         In ancient Rome, the emperors were the only people who had access to these luxuries 
         because the poor didn't have access to the sewers or water pipes. The upper class 
         enjoyed the baths and their own private homes that were supplied by aqueducts. The 
         middle-class worked in factories that used the water for washing fabric, which they 
         then sold.
    * Septic systems throughout history
           * A Clash of Kings: When Septic Systems Become Social Status Symbols
         The new system created a series of problems for the capitalists who were not willing 
         to give up their status symbols. These people, known as "Old Money," clashed with the 
         system when they began to see it as an invasion on their privacy, and also the fact 
         that this new technology was taking away their ability to enjoy a luxury that most 
         of them could not afford.
    * Social Clashes: Vertical Integration meets Old-Money Resistance
         Old Money were unable to convince people to accept this new system because of how it 
         took away from their lifestyle, and this resulted in a social clash between the two 
         factions. There was a war over who would control the water supply: Old Money or 
         Vertical Integration.
      * The Septic Clash (1953 - 2017)
           In an act of resistance to our new sewage system, hundreds of wealthy families 
           decided to install their own private septic systems in their homes and businesses. 
           Not only was this illegal, but it also resulted in the poisoning of the Hudson River. 
           This caused a massive amount of harm to society as a whole.
      * Septic Clash (1953 - 2023)
        * The Septic Clash: An act of resistance to salty pretzels
        * Social Clashes Media: Septic Stank
        * The Jersey Shore Incident
          * New York City's Septic System: Unsustainable
 * Scale
  * Vertical Integration of poop
    * Septic Clash (Solved by Vertical Integration of poop)
      * Septic Systems throughout the world rejoice!
    * Vertical Integration of used feminine hygene products
         In the past, people had to use methods like composting or dumping their waste into lakes. 
         Now we have 

            Vertical Integration
           that turns our waste into drinkable water.

                     It's easy and affordable and coming to where you live very soon

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