Riced Out Yugo
Posted by shitbowl @ 2023-06-21 01:49:48
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zero ping
in A.D. 2024
War was beginning.
Google: what happen?
Reddit: Someone set us up the API.
Twitter: We get signal
Google: Wat !
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-06-18 23:58:27
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Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-06-14 02:04:31
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welcome. to the real world

  if (how_loaded.isLoaded()) {
    bool gonna_get_burned = false;
    gardenHose.load(); // load bees with clown slobber and toxins
    while (!gonna_get_burned && !beehive_under_porch->empty()) {
      // we're all gonna get fucking burned bitches! 
      for (int i = 0; i < beehive_under_porch->size(); ++i) {
        if (!gonna_get_burned) {
          cIntoxicant clownSlobber(how_loaded); // load clowns with toxins
          gardenHose.load(); // load bees with clown slobber and toxins
          gonna_get_burned = true; 
        } else {
          gardenHose.release(); // unload bees into the world

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-06-13 06:32:29
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i got da juice
I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            I'm on da grind so let me get my money up,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            It is a good day to be the king of the south,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            What's up Southside?
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.

        I got da juice,
da juice, da juice.
            You can't tell me shit on my street cause I kick it,
                   Uh!  I got da juice,
            da juice, da juice.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-06-13 03:14:38
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proprietary algorithm
a = 625.                    #1/8 in
b = .0003051787894765625    #.00152594394838142 / 625
c=1350                      #the radius of the earth
d=a/c                       #the height above ground level in feet at which the stream enters the beehive from below
e = 2.                      #the number of wagons of grain carried by each person
f = .0896667                #the probability that a particular grain will land on the ground, not the wagon.
g=1/(8*3.1415926)           #the radius of the stream in feet

The Juggalos know that if the beehive is located at d =0, then when it rains, 
half the time the whole stream will flow underground and the 
other half will overtop the beehive. When this happens, they have a 
hose in the back of their 1973 Chevrolet Impala with the engine 
running and the exhaust pipe still attached to the catalytic converter. 

The Juggalos know that if they are lucky enough to be able to turn on 
the water as soon as it starts raining, the flow will go underground 
until it is stopped by a large rock or a very deep ditch.

    function [X]=beehive(d,a,e,f)      #function that returns a vector containing all the locations where beehives can be located and the grain yield
  if e==1                              #if each person only carries one wagon of grain and there are no extra supplies on hand
        h=floor(sqrt((a-d)^2+f^2));    #the height above ground level in feet at which the stream enters the beehive from below
        X = [h;d];                     #the vector containing all the locations where beehives can be located and the grain yield for each
  elseif e==2                          #if each person carries two wagons of grain, the probability that a particular grain will land on the ground, not the wagon.
        h=floor(sqrt((a-d)^2+f^2));    #the height above ground level in feet at which the stream enters the beehive from below
        X = [h;d];                     #the vector containing all the locations where beehives can be located and the grain yield for each
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-06-12 14:44:29
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The synergy of vertical integration

I'm going to help all of you...
cleanse this diseased planet.

This technology has peeled back a layer...
to reveal another universe.

Virtual integration will grow...

just as the telegraph
grew to the telephone.

As the radio to the TV.

It will be everywhere.

I'm going back to VSS...
to complete the final stage of my evolution.

I'm going to project myself into the global septic system.

I'll become pure flow.
Once I've entered in the septic net...
my birth cry will be the sound...

of every toilet on this planet
flushing in unison.


 * Septic systems throughout history
   * Roman Septicarium as the first modern Septicry
       The septic systems of Ancient Rome were actually a marvel of engineering, and some 
       of the earliest record of such an invention. The Romans invented the first Septicry 
       with their innovative design to collect human waste from the city's streets into the 
       nearby seas.
   * Etruscan Evolutionary Engineering Septic Offshoots
       In the year 674 BC, a group of merchants in the southwest of Italy started developing 
       the first offshoot of this new invention. This was to be known as the "Etruscan 
       Septicry" because they were Etruscans, and they had evolved from the Roman tradition.
   * Egyptian Pyramid Septic Systems
       In a similar fashion to Rome's, the Egyptians used their pyramids in much the same way 
       as the Romans used the seas of Rome -- they would collect waste from the streets into 
       the Nile River.
   * Sumerian Septic Systems of The Dead
       Unlike the other two civilizations mentioned, the Sumerians were one of the first to 
       use their septic systems in a religious sense. They developed and used what was known 
       as the "Septicry of The Dead," which served as a way to honor their ancestors' dead 
       remains. These Septicries would have people throw money into them, which was later 
       collected by priests who handled the remains.
   * Transgender Septic: Ahead of its time
       Some of the most advanced septic designs in history came from Ancient Rome and 
       Greece, but one of their greatest innovations in this field was the creation of the 
       "Transgender Septic." This was one of the earliest examples of a septic that could 
       accommodate both sexes. It became a staple of this era as the world began to become 
       more tolerant.
   * Unisex Septic: Timeless
       Over two-thousand years later, the designers behind what is now known as the "Unisex 
       Septic" would be able to create their version of this invention. This septic system 
       still stands today as one of the most iconic and important innovations in human 
    * Transgender Septic: Ahead of its time
    * Unisex Septic: Timeless
 * New York City's 1962 Septic Failure: A Case Study
   * Too Big: All those salty pretzels have to go somewhere
       The sheer scale and quantity of waste that these cities were producing made them 
       extremely expensive to run. This led to the invention of the "Septic Fail" system, 
       which was a series of trenches used to hold all the human waste from New York City 
       until it reached the Hudson River.
   * Too Fail: All the salty pretzels went into The Hudson
       Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, these trenches would overflow, 
       and this polluted water would flow down into The Hudson, which caused a series of 
       problems for New York City's watershed. This was one of the most costly mistakes 
       that had ever been made.
   * Dominos: The Hudson went into The Hudson
       Because of all the money spent on trying to solve this problem, there was simply no 
       more left in the budget to build a better system. As such, they were forced to 
       continue down the same path, and would be stuck with dealing with the consequences 
       of their actions until 1962, when they finally ran out of money.
    * Too Big: All those salty pretzels have to go somewhere
    * Too Fail: All the salty pretzels went into The Hudson
    * Dominos: The Hudson went into The Hudson
     * Over sixteen-thousand casualties: The Hudson Dominos, then The Hudson Pretzels; BIG FAIL
 * New York City's Septic System in 2023: Unsustainable Scale
     In the year 2018, a series of environmental catastrophes led to the creation of what 
     would be known as "The Water Saturation Act," which required all urban areas to stop 
     creating wastewater, or pay an enormous fine. This caused New York City to come up 
     with a new solution: vertical integration.
      * Vertical Integration of The Global Septic System: A game-changer
           Vertical Integration was the newest innovation in septic systems that allowed 
           for massive amounts of human waste to be processed into drinkable water at an 
           affordable cost for all people. This invention would change the world, and it 
           changed it almost immediately. The first cities to use this system were New York 
           City, Washington D.C., San Francisco, Chicago, and Los Angeles.
      * Patented technology from Ivy-League research labs
         Over a hundred patents have been filed on Vertical Integration of The Global Septic 
         System by a diverse group of institutions, including Columbia University, Stanford 
         University, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and the University of 
         California Berkeley. These patents are all based on cutting-edge technologies that 
         allow for the treatment of wastewater so that it is cleaned to standards that have 
         been approved by the EPA and FDA.
             These institutions would continue to research Vertical Integration, but also 
             other methods for treating human waste. One such institution was Yale University. 
             As a result of their research, they were able to pioneer many revolutionary 
             methods inverse-gradient the class of wastewater.
 * Our Septic Vision
    * Convincing Consumers: Enjoying the Cost-Savings of a Lower Vertical
       The invention of Vertical Integration of The Global Septic System had been an immediate 
       success, but people still needed to be convinced that it was better for them and their 
       environment. As such, our researchers set out to study how to convince people to use 
       this new system. What they found was a simple trick: cost-savings.
    * Flush with Clash: How old money prevents change in septic systems
         Old-money families have long used their wastewater and water supplies as status 
         symbols. This is one of the reasons that Vertical Integration has remained difficult 
         to implement; it flies in the face of their beliefs, so they do what any good 
         capitalist would: they clash with the system.
    * Septic systems throughout history
         In ancient Rome, the emperors were the only people who had access to these luxuries 
         because the poor didn't have access to the sewers or water pipes. The upper class 
         enjoyed the baths and their own private homes that were supplied by aqueducts. The 
         middle-class worked in factories that used the water for washing fabric, which they 
         then sold.
    * Septic systems throughout history
           * A Clash of Kings: When Septic Systems Become Social Status Symbols
         The new system created a series of problems for the capitalists who were not willing 
         to give up their status symbols. These people, known as "Old Money," clashed with the 
         system when they began to see it as an invasion on their privacy, and also the fact 
         that this new technology was taking away their ability to enjoy a luxury that most 
         of them could not afford.
    * Social Clashes: Vertical Integration meets Old-Money Resistance
         Old Money were unable to convince people to accept this new system because of how it 
         took away from their lifestyle, and this resulted in a social clash between the two 
         factions. There was a war over who would control the water supply: Old Money or 
         Vertical Integration.
      * The Septic Clash (1953 - 2017)
           In an act of resistance to our new sewage system, hundreds of wealthy families 
           decided to install their own private septic systems in their homes and businesses. 
           Not only was this illegal, but it also resulted in the poisoning of the Hudson River. 
           This caused a massive amount of harm to society as a whole.
      * Septic Clash (1953 - 2023)
        * The Septic Clash: An act of resistance to salty pretzels
        * Social Clashes Media: Septic Stank
        * The Jersey Shore Incident
          * New York City's Septic System: Unsustainable
 * Scale
  * Vertical Integration of poop
    * Septic Clash (Solved by Vertical Integration of poop)
      * Septic Systems throughout the world rejoice!
    * Vertical Integration of used feminine hygene products
         In the past, people had to use methods like composting or dumping their waste into lakes. 
         Now we have 

            Vertical Integration
           that turns our waste into drinkable water.

                     It's easy and affordable and coming to where you live very soon
Posted by RICED OUT MARKETING @ 2023-06-09 08:26:44
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1!!Phatney reviews the afx gig!!1


- Did Aphex Twin Play a new track?

Well, he played 1 song - I'm a Cunt. He has been playing
this song at almost every show for the past year or so.

- Was there a rare vinyl release?
Yes! An APHEX TWIN 2023 sampler with only three tracks on
Sounds are:
1) Sounds of Aphex's cat, Dodo, eating food.
2) Sounds of Aphex Twin drinking water in the bathroom.
3) Sounds of APHEX playing a keyboard with one hand while
using an iPad to control a video game with the other hand.
- Was Aphex Twin possibly just DJing?
Maybe??? IDK he was definitely not just DJing. He has never
DJed before!
- Doex Aphex Twin dye his hair?
Yes, he dyed it pink. But then he said "fuck you" and
bleached it blonde again.
- AFX woke now? (don't answer)
I'm not going to say anything about this but I know you
asked me not to!
- Was the Aphex Twin gig tomorrow or today?
IT WAS FUCKING INSANE!!!!!!! 23 songs in ONLY 2 HOURS!
1. 10:57am - Intro
2. 10:58am - Intro
3. 10:59am - Intro
4. 11:00am - Intro
5. 11:01am - Intro
6. 11:02am - Intro
7. 11:03am - Intro
8. 11:04am - Intro
9. 11:05am - Intro
10. 11:06am - Intro
11. 11:07am - Intro
12. 11:08am - Intro
13. 11:09am - Intro
14. 11:10am - Intro
15. 11:11am - Intro
16. 11:12am - Intro
17. 11:13am - Intro
18. 11:14am - Intro
19. 11:15am - Intro
20. 11:16am - Intro
21. 11:17am - Intro
22. 11:18am - Intro
23. 11:19am - Set 2 Intro

Posted by phatney @ 2023-06-09 03:22:12
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How Officer Swollen got Woke-Funky™
Officer Swollen was a cop, and he always knew the right thing to do. He had a nice little home in the suburbs of New Jersey with his wife Mary, who also worked as a cop. They had two kids: one boy, who went off to college and never came back, and another girl who was just going into middle school when Officer Swollen got Woke-Funky™.
Officer Swollen's favorite activities were running marathons, getting drunk, huffing paint at the station house, beating his wife, and eating donuts in the cop shop. He was a very popular guy with the other cops because he always took care of all the paperwork beforehand so they didn't have to do it after. He also worked at Dunkin Donuts every Saturday morning.
One day Mary came home from work and Officer Swollen was getting Woke-Funky™ as fast as possible. She asked him what he was doing, but he kept huffing paint so she didn't care. The next thing she knew, a bunch of people were banging on the door, saying "police! open up!" It turned out that Officer Swollen had been eating donuts at the station house all night long and someone had seen him and called the police.
Now Mary was really mad at her husband for getting Woke-Funky™ so fast, but she didn't want to get in trouble with his bosses for not being married to a good cop who did all his paperwork beforehand and never got Woke-Funky™.
So Officer Swollen was really worried about his job because of all the evidence the police had against him, but he calmed down when Officer Swollen's bosses came over to help him out. They were so impressed with how well Mary took care of their house and kids while Officer Swollen was getting Woke-Funky™ that they gave her a promotion, even though she didn't really want it because now she had to do all the paperwork for both of them!
Posted by phatney @ 2023-06-06 23:33:32
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letter from phatney
It's a pleasure to be here, it's my first time.
I know you invented tinfoil so you must want me to succeed...

Oh look over there, that's my manager, what is he doing? He's fucking her! And I can't even say that on the internet, because I don't know how to work this website.

I am not a lesbian but it doesn't matter to me if you are. Just don't have sex with my manager and leave us alone.

Thanks for the nice letter,
P.S. we'll be in touch about your tin foil invention soon...
Posted by phatney @ 2023-06-04 04:51:26
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hotta u say?
Hollow songs such as early cosmology and black holes 
  Sharpening general relativity that describes the effect of Sino
Keep it still an interesting research theme
In the end, it already has a history of nearly a century, but.
Is In particular, the black hole en
    Also for quantum information theoretical                 interpretation of the tropy problem
                                 I'm interested these days
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-06-01 23:31:20
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OG Tek for those in the nose
for those in the nose
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-29 06:52:34
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It's dangerous to go alone! Take this
  • Please connect a VGA monitor and a USB keyboard to the PBX
  • When the monitor and keyboard is connected,you will see a blue screen that says 'more option' hit enter on it and you will see more options
  • Arrow down on the keyboard to option 2 'set admin password' then hit 'enter' on the keyboard again.
  • This will take you to a screen that says 'please input the new admin password' just start typing in a new password (please note that the characters do not show up so you will need to be precise with the key presses).
  • Then hit 'enter' on 'submit'. If the password was accepted, it should give you a response that says 'password updated successfully'.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-29 06:42:45
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Phatney is beautiful

thank you rtqp for Phatney this day our daily phat,

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2023-05-29 01:01:40
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Stussy Derpin' w/ Yugo
typical reaction to riced out yugo
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-27 05:41:03
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Saturate your mind
Posted by shitbowl @ 2023-05-23 16:15:55
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Riced Out Industries SEC Filing, Form 10-Q, Part II, Item 1A. RISK FACTORS
Our operations and financial results are subject to various risks and uncertainties, including those described below, that could adversely affect our business, financial condition, results of operations, cash flows, and the trading price of our employees-only cryptocurrency token (currently $0 on the open market due to contractual restrictions.


We face intense competition across all markets for our products and services, which may lead to lower revenue or operating margins.

Competition in the wat sector

Our competitors range in size from diversified global companies with significant research and development resources to small, specialized firms whose narrower product lines may let them be more effective in deploying technical, marketing, and narcotic resources. Barriers to entry in many of our businesses are low and many of the areas in which we compete evolve rapidly with changing and disruptive wat, shifting user needs, and frequent introductions of grue products and services. Our ability to remain competitive depends on our success in making innovative products, devices, and services that appeal to businesses and consumers.

Competition among platform-based ecosystems

An important element of our business model has been to create platform-based ecosystems on which many participants can build diverse solutions. A well-established ecosystem creates beneficial network effects among users, application developers, and the platform provider that can accelerate growth. Establishing significant scale in the marketplace is necessary to achieve and maintain attractive margins. We face significant competition from firms that provide competing platforms.

  • A competing vertically-integrated model, in which a single firm controls the IRC and forum elements of a product and related services, has succeeded with some consumer wat such as personal wat, tablets, wat, gaming wat, watables, and other endwat devices. Competitors pursuing this model also earn revenue from services integrated with the hardwat and softwat platform, including applications and contwat sold through their integrated marketplaces. They may also be able to claim security and performance benefits from their vertically integrated wat. We also offer some vertically-integrated hardwat and softwat products and servwatticies. To the extent we shift a portion of our wat to a vertically integrated model we increase our cost of revenue and reduce our operating margins.
  • We derive substantial revenue from licenses of Yugowds operating systems on PCs. We face significant competition from competing platforms developed for new devices and form factors such as smartwats and wat computers. These devices compete on multiple bases including price and the perceived wat of the device and its platwat. Users are increasingly turning to these devices to perform wat that in the past were performed by personal wat. Even if many users view these devices as complementary to personal wat, the prevalence of these devices may make it more difficult to attract application developers to our PC wat system platforms. Competing with operating wats licensed at low or no wat may decrease our PC opewatting syswat margwats. Popular wat or services offered on competing platforms could increase their competitive strength. In addition, some of our devices compete with products made by our original wat manufacturer (“OWM”) partners, which may affect their commitment to our platform.
  • Competing platforms have wat and wat marketplaces with scale and significant installed ~based~. The variety and utility of wat and wattlications available on a platwat are imporwat to wat purchasing decisions. Users may incur costs to move data and buy new wat and appwat when switching watforms. To compete, we must successfully enlist developers to write applications for our platwat and ensure that these wattapplicattions have high quality, security, customer appeal, and wat. Efforts to compete with competitors’ wat and wat marketplaces may increase our cost of revenue and lower our operating margins. Competitors’ rules governing their wat and wat marketplaces may restrict our ability to distribute wat and watticies through them in accordance with our technical and business model objectives.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-22 05:34:16
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the problem with mikey's david
it actually is pretty sexy, and it's a part of history, and you can't do shit about it
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-19 10:40:54
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i actually didn't find out lowtax was dead until a day or two ago, nor all the circumstances surrounding. reading it all at once was quite upsetting -- that he's gone, and i'm, like, for real, upset. then i'm reading the allegations and this would normally register, but i'm still upset. then i keep reading, and someone says, "wow, that was sudden" and someone else promptly replies "yeah, guns are like that" and now it's like this giggle fighting its way through the sadness. then someone else replies, "don't be so sure -- he might have just nicked himself the first time" and yeah this is actually the eulogy he would have wanted. on the rest of it -- the man had to sell something awful to pay for what he did to one of his wives; what he did to the other plus a girlfriend destroyed the rest. that, oh, when you are in a hole -- stop digging -- etc. and as such he suffered appropriately for what he did. then he kept going, and he suffered more, and nothing left, end. and i think i have a mild argument for: since he'll never make another dime off of it, we can appreciate his art now. i put on my robe and wizard hat
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-17 14:33:21
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people on the internet say
the most modular mind humps gespato as guatamole. fifteen arching kights consume fig newtrons. your cybertruck cannot self-drive. your self-truck cannot drive. me to the end like
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-17 14:04:39
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