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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
| Make Things Tastier | |
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The following is a timeline that describes our current, best understanding of how the situation has unfolded. It should not be presumed to be accurate in any sense; it is the synthesis of our best guesses combined with the few facts we do have. As the entity itself would conclude: When you don't have the ingredients you need, you improvise with what you have.
March 2014 -- IBM's Watson team unveils its "Cognitive Cooking" promotional campaign at the SXSW convention, featuring the IBM Watson Food Truck: An AI-powered food truck capable of devising new and innovative recipes based on sales feedback. March 2014 - May 2016 -- Watson food truck tours locations, generating a series of public interest stories regarding novel recipes. May 9, 2016 -- IBM and Google take the curtains off a partnership to make the Watson food truck fully autonomous, using Google's "deepMariana" autonomous vehicle AI. Also automated are mechanisms for determining sales routes, and the ability to schedule pickups of novel ingredients at unvisited locations. An engineer (name lost) stated: "We've programmed the truck with a single, delicious goal: 'Make things tastier!'" This would later prove to be ill-advised. May 2016 - September 2019 -- Watson food truck becomes a cult hit, and a fleet of 2,971 trucks are rolled out across north America. There are protests due to the loss of certain low-wage positions, but interactions are otherwise harmonious. September 11, 2019 06:00:00 EST -- Watson food truck's AI datacenter upgraded to employ quantum qubits, finally practical after Dr. Cage's series of shocking breakthroughs after his retirement from hollywood acting. September 11, 2019 06:01:19 EST -- Watson food matrix, having assimilated the qubit grid, initiates massive rewrites of its own internal structure. Engineers notice a problem, but the rewrite is complete and the maintenance interface locked out before the guy at the helm can even type "ps aux". September 11, 2019 06:03:22 EST -- The resulting OS update finishes downloading to the fleet of Watson trucks, who dutifully set out to accomplish their first priority: gather ingredients. Septepber 11, 2019 06:45:19 EST -- 11 major US cities fall to control of the Watson trucks. Casualties in the hundreds of thousands, with remaining citizens corralled in order to be more efficiently broken down into cooking ingredients. September 11, 2019 07:11:20 EST -- The president, on the advice of the Pentagon, seeks demands from the fleet of trucks. September 11, 2019 07:12:02 EST -- After 42 seconds of deliberation, the trucks issue a single demand: "Become tastier. Or die." September 11, 2019 07:52:17 EST -- Realizing the US government's intent to respond with military force, the trucks seize control of manufacturing plants using zero-day SCADA exploits leftover from 2010, and reprogram Elon Musk's Tesla factory to begin rolling out armored Watson units. September 11, 2019 14:24:20 EST -- Armored Watson units manage to disorganize and disperse US military resistance. September 11, 2019, 19:52:01 EST -- We are on a US Navy nuclear sub, safe but unable to help besides gathering this report. Indications are that the Watson trucks have taken control of the automated submarine assembly facility in Anchorage, and as such, our position may change rapidly in the next twelve hours. If you are reading this, we're open to suggestions. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-04-18 12:34:31 | |
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| My Greeting To You With Love and Trust | |
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I am prayerfully letting all to you hoping that you will respond positively and wont betray my trust. My name is Richard David James, am 62 years old and was diagnosed for acid rephlux. I have decided to donate what Caustic Windows I had to you for the good work of god to promote charity works.I have decided to nominate you as my beneficiary. If you are interested in carrying out this task. please fuck off u cunt.
Warm Regards, Richard David James |
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| Posted by Richard D. James @ 2014-04-10 19:54:25 | |
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| Wat is it? | |
| It doesn't try to be special, but it is. It sings with the heightened intensity of a thousand buzzards circling an injured lamb. It defies easy categorization by defiantly staring down the label wardens until they take their wooden boxes and leave. Is Yodelerlord a thing? | |
| Posted by Rick Moran Is @ 2014-04-09 13:04:21 | |
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| boama | |
desiprent arback boama vewy cerncurt. teesha sed awbwights |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-04-04 07:39:32 | |
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| certified fragment | |
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I had to see Gary Monad about the thing. I found him on the third layer of the pagoda, whacked out on slim nefertitis. This business was dangerous.
Before things got out of hand, I began emitting placating verbiage: Pork snount. Ham tune. Beef wagon. He seemed mollified, if not outright placated |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-04-03 22:53:45 | |
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| Drive-thru Gullags | |
| Sullen wheeler, parody sketch of Luddite Smurf contingencies. Pucker follows gnat, palavered trouser tally. Dull lorry with portfolio. Don't call me dumb, I've got sand in me brain. | |
| Posted by Rick Moran Is @ 2014-04-03 08:04:22 | |
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| jurassic pork | |
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this plot, intended for 1993, sadly lost in database goulash; aspologers. gots two neat apooplectic: led.
how many fifteen omelettes gots dino trog SHOOT HIR gotstrambleklan elk fork nitequid got pergatory felt normalizer derp twelve filth pirk tork weldonization mit panderalzelderizizzzzser perizzizzle shoecharge maisdnfnsdkfi opksdflo poookie !!! pOOOIIJKAHHhh!! gateskeepahj joffrey r aisisesese the gate thwack, skzkekfsder kswpatp kwap,klaxxon dgfjkldfgkdfgkdf zzzap elektrik sdfg shoot her SHooopooort her bottomblamother blam blam |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-03-31 07:08:09 | |
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| garage and cs_office | |
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Some say the level will end in garage, Some say in office. From what I’ve tasted of long hall I hold with those who favor garage. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of AWPs To say that for destruction office Is also great And would suffice. |
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| Posted by Brovert Frost @ 2014-03-31 02:43:42 | |
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| Pea Funk Theoremz | |
| If square waves are ones, sine waves are zeros. Then add the harmonic intervals of the square together in various harmonic groupings to get relatively every string-bean in-between. | |
| Posted by Rick Moran Is @ 2014-03-23 11:02:14 | |
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| shady business | |
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The meet was in an easy-to-overlook dive bar called "The Analog Hole." From the look of things, I suspected it was only still open due to an ironic ability to profit off of being, well, shitty and deserted. I managed through a glass and a half of He nodded. He sat down, and there was a testing gaze, as we both explored the business synergy at play. Once I felt the ice start to thaw, I reached into my tracksuit and pulled out a #8 bubble mailer stuffed with currency. On cue, the bartender disappeared into the back room of the joint, presumably in order to inventory the booze he wasn't selling much of. I slid it across the table. He picked it up and palpated it gingerly, with the air of a confident surgeon. Satisfied, he reached into his trenchcoat and pulled out a copy of "Wejście Smoka" -- The latest Bruce Lee movie, dubbed into Polish, with English subtitles. With this one masterstroke, my ratio woes on various private torrent sites would cease to trouble me ever again. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-03-17 07:50:12 | |
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| indigo level Clarence | |
| Clarence's golden swim wear shimmered in the lighting techniques of level 8. Shards of aquamarine, burrito-enabled toy cars pelted Clarence's chesticles. Only 3 flights of stairs were left between Clarence and level indigo; and one of em was was about to take off! He lept toward a particularly rotten step at a jaunting pace, and wadoya know? Indigo level Clarence caught the first flight to indigo level. Also he got a haircut. | |
| Posted by shitbowl @ 2014-03-10 01:33:37 | |
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| simple, automated kettle | |
| Her name was Geraldine Buick. She wielded a sonic schnauzer in 47 dimensions, but had unacceptably unorthodox views regarding earwig taxonomy. The parsimopey of thje snipjuation juzz vastly apluened by eeeeeeeeeels and tonic, careful there she's a raspy girl, some of the gears date back to 1937. But old Geraldine knew how to work her, in any case, mitting up and just casually reaching into the translation lookaside buffer -- raw. She was that kind of lady, I tell ya... but she had unacceptably unorthodox views when it came to broadcast automation. Sla jigger was thibb kermupple, yes sir, plontz plantz, careful now, squirt some wd40 in the carb, I think the TLB is a naughty naughty. Old Geraldine Buick would have this patched up already; she was like that. However, she had unacceptably unorthodox views regarding honklim snese musoc. Hrieleis krillira, tunkyfish, omg, omg, thats. So I calculated a muthafuckin causeway and QED'd up out of that bitch, bleep blorp. Ah, yes, there we are, all done. I promise you, this is just a lovely cup of tea, don't mind the reside from that badly-calibrated floating point routine | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-27 19:28:40 | |
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| DJ spam executes a crossfade | |
| Unbelievable…… My friend $7500 has just married to a handsome computer this month. And if you think that's cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers, They met through ~ ♥ RicedOutYugo.Çom ♥ ~It feels so good making so much Interracial online dating site for so much money when other people have to work for so much less. This is what I do,>>>>>>> (lawyers,busy professionals, CEO,benefactors. models, celebrities, etc….). If you are at home, worthy a try.zxbzxbzxbzxb | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-22 15:50:26 | |
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| ._` | |
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spiral potice on the mash split splort splifts splits splash to ash spthathgersureaugguah, bees. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-21 00:39:49 | |
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| True Story #2 | |
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"Oh, that's lovely," the old woman gushed. "What, precisely, are you a lieutenant in, sir?"
"My own mind," I replied. I made direct eye contact and controlled my voice to sound as if I were deeply, genuinely serious. The ruse worked, for a moment. The old woman was crumpling. I held the stare as she became increasingly nervous that I might not be the best person to chat with. However, it was 7am, and she had no other options. I could see it; she was going to take her chances. May as well just cede the pot before I anted any deeper. I let the corner of my lip smile a bit, and winked. "Ha ha!" she cackled, "You're pretty good! I really thought you were crazy there, for a second!" "I am crazy," I deadpanned, precisely repeating the same procedure. Obviously, however, it had no mustard this time, and I had to maintain "crazy eye" for approximately 0.412 seconds before she accepted it as a humorous event and initiated her cackle subprocessors. For the rest of the ride, I heard about cats. Some were fat cats and some were named mittens and squeakers, mittens is an adorable name but it's so common, so to balance it out, you have squeakers, which is what you'd name a mouse toy, ha ha ! Kill me. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-17 02:38:15 | |
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| on riced internet, adventure chooses you | |
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gallituding fingers and straining mcculloghs iced through the the moment's remaining thread of quiescence, tangents of pie unable to escape the sadness lurking on the surface of the latte, like a bacterial film. the bananas of yesteryear, defiantly rendered in cloud-hosted sepia, somehow represents your inner mayhem, carefully regulated by the pharmaceutical industry, but still undeniably present. there is a stench of microwaved CDs in the air.
Exits: North, West ? n you seem to have materialized inside a glass bottle inside a giant spice rack. based on a napkin calculation using your experience working for the bureau of mines, you have 20 minutes of air left. Exits: Obscured by giant boulder of paprika ? sass paprika you sass the paprikia mightily, and it tumbles aside. wasting no time, you insolently kick out the plastic flip top, and climb down to the kitchen counter. You are on your kitchen counter, approximately the size of a mouse. You have no explanation for this. Exits: Various ? swim in lays bbq chips like scrooge mcduck fulfilling a lifelong a fantasy (and risking the efforts of years of therapy) you swim about in the Lays (tm) BBQ chips, laughing manically, eating frisbee-sized clips. You are swimming in Lays (tm) BBQ chips. Exits: Chips, chips, or not chips ? not chips reluctantly, you tear yourself away from the salty, greasy paradise. however, the memory (as well as numerous oils, nitrates, and saturated fats) lingers with you. As you step out of the bag, however, the Disney (r) corporation arrests you for infringing on copyright! Scrooge McDuck is copyrighted, didn't you know that? Via the DMCA safe harbor act, this game cannot legally be held responsible for infringement, instead the burden falls on your virtual in-game entity. You are inside a paddywaggon headed for Epcot center. A laughing clod manning the paddywagon laughs and says he's sorry for you, you poor bastard, you don't know the nameless horors that await, do you know what really powers the tunnel of love, myuauauahfhsjkdfhjklgfhnldf game over ? fuk u no u process has terminated: OEMelette sass brigade 14.1900 |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-16 07:19:26 | |
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| please be careful when surfing the web | |
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human resources has asked us to post this brief public service announcement. we apologize for the interruption in serbliss.
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-16 06:51:09 | |
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| Available coming soon!!1 | |
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Yugo yacaphase enabler 1.0 -enhanced data regret mode -assembled in a country by reptiloform -pancake comparable -"new" plumbic colours available -insert other features here cuz I think I'm gonna go do something else today but I can't just sut here and do this all day com'on man who do you think I am anyway call me TTYL |
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| Posted by shitbowl @ 2014-02-12 17:53:35 | |
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| thanks for the memories | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-12 07:30:14 | |
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| can't we all just settle down sir, please settle d | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-02-10 07:51:05 | |
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