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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
| BOC Announces No New Album | |
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EDINBURGH -- In a move that whipped fans into a frenzy, famed electronic duo Michael Sandison and Marcus Eoin, a.k.a. Boards Of Canada have announced that "there will not be a new album." The news was first announced by mdg, a visual basic program implementing BOC's fanboy service interface.
"I'm very pleased to announce that there will be no new album," the sentient program wrote. The announcement was officially confirmed 0.72 microseconds later, via the band's official Twitter: 
Fan response was rapid and intense: "I'm very excited to not get my hands on this album," said Robin Van Poodle via Twitter. "It's about time they didn't release an album!" remarked Eatwife, a VST musician and defender of womens' rights. Others, however, expressed skepticism: "I'll believe it when I don't see it," mumbled techno legend Jeff Mills, before kicking Riced Out News out of his dressing room. Will there not be a new album? Time won't tell. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-04-08 00:40:40 | |
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| riced out dourif | |
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| Posted by Pet'ctlyptem Xon Yihaa'qti WchwaaXaan @ 2013-04-02 07:24:51 | |
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| jordan pond house | |
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fecticiously cromulent biscuit buttermilk the waxen maid crispy typo popover the bees amongst butter and your afternoon tea. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-03-28 16:01:55 | |
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| riced out classics | |
call this convenient 9000 number now to order your copy of riced out classics, years 2152-97. enjoy the hits you know and love, such as:
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-03-22 03:20:49 | |
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| The Adventures of Agent Porktanker, Pt. 1 | |
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I leaned in close to the narrow peephole, not letting halitosis stop my pursuit of proper clandestinery.
"Poindexter Von Juggalo The Filth," I clearly enunciated. The man's nose wrinkled, and then disappeared as he went to punch in the door code. I took a nip from my flask to freshen my breath. The door lurched into life, and I noted the bassy hum of a pwm-driven motor for later research into the door's make and model. A short man with black hair, male pattern baldness, and a hello kitty t-shirt peered out at me. "Whadda ya want, buddy? What'll it be?" "I'd like to... I'd like to go on the Internet," I mumbled shyly. "Never heard it called that before." He shifted back and forth impatiently. "So, you want a gram or what?" "I WOULD LIKE OVER 9000!" I declared assertively. So assertively, I almost broke wind. "Ten kilos? You're gonna have to see da boss on that one. Come on in." My plan was working. The anteroom with the door was a dull bunker. However, there was another door (not as threatening as the main door, but still quite staid) behind which a different atmosphere lurked. "My god!" I cried. "It's full of balls!" "Fuckin' tell me about it!" my anonymous doorman snapped. "Boss fuckin' loves those stupid plastic balls. Whole place is filled with 'em. He also makes us wear these fuckin' Hello Kitty t-shirts." Then he tensed up, realizing what he'd just said. "Uh, but.... you won't tell him that, right?" "No, no, that's just between you and me, um... what was your name?" "Joe LiTrenta! But the boss calls me... snugglewugglepuss the shineyhead." Feeling his pain, I offered him my hip flask without a word. He took a large swig. I believe this is what they call developing rapport. After I'd had another swig myself, he jerked his head towards the pool of colored plastic balls, and jumped in. I followed, trying to take in as much of the layout as I possibly could without falling on my corpulent behind. Technicians in Hello Kitty lab coats stood in plastic balls, marking clipboards and calibrating equipment; tweaking chemical apparati and bagging product. Armed guards stood in plastic balls, looking, well, armed. A secretary sat at a desk, in plastic balls, the desk itself only barely cresting the sea of colored spheres. I imagined they got all over her desk when anyone got near it. Finally we reached a staircase, leading out of the plastic balls. I felt like a fish evolving legs -- and the name on the ornate door at the top left no doubt that this was precisely what was intended. C.E.O. Meow Meow Bath Products Psychological degredation through that which brings joy to children. kitty always did have a twisted sense of humor. "Boss?" Joe/snugglewugglepuss the shineyhead had reached the top of the stairs, and was poking his head in the door. "Yeah, this guy here says he wants over 9000." He turned back to me. "C'mon in...." TO BE CONTINUED (maybe) |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-03-22 02:03:25 | |
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| choom | |
| choom | |
| Posted by Pet'ctlyptem Xon Yihaa'qti WchwaaXaan @ 2013-03-21 18:15:07 | |
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| hammer ballast act i | |
the epson corporation must be thanked
for providing me my own personal hammer ballast.
C3293 drivers power glorious impact printing
gordon freeman may have his impact hammer
but i have a goddamn hammer ballast.
the epson corporation must be lambasted
for not providing me with a hammer ballast manual.
C3293 drivers emit uncontrolled nonsense type
jghlkdn 9e8ru#@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@5r43wheeeyurt
dfglkkkkkkkkkkkjjjjjjjjjjjoooooooottt
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-03-19 08:41:50 | |
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| lengthy wat-a-gram post | |
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Everyone in my team has been telling me, "make the press wat" but I'm tired of all the pointless wat in the press right now. Saying I'm going to wathab and how my family is all wat. My family is beyond wat, and nothing's been posted by them, my grandparents wouldnt know how to reach to livejournal even of they did want to so that was a lie and wathab cmon. if Anyone believes i need wathab thats their own stupidity lol I'm 19 with 5 number one blogs, 19 and I've seen the whole internet. 19 and I've accomplished more wat than I could've ever dreamed of, i'm 19 and it must be scary to some people to think that this is just the beginning of the wat. I know my wat level (over 9000) and i know i got my head on wat. i know wat i am and i know wat i'm not My messege is to to wat. My wat could be about anything but my messages have been to never say never and wat, not to wat in me but to wat in yourself .. I honestly don't care if you don't wat in me because I wat in me, my friends wat, my family wats, my fans wat, and look where that's gotten me so far.. I'm writing this with chocolate on my face and wat in my heart. Letting u know first hand how I feel rather than have these story linger. I'm a good person with a big wat. And don't think I deserve all this negative wat I've worked my wat off to get wat I am and my hard wat doesn't wat here... All this wat isn't easy. I get angry sometimes. I'm human. I'm gonna make mistakes. In gonna grow and get better from them wat. But all the wat from you guys overcomes the negativity. I love wat. Thanks |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-03-15 07:07:02 | |
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| tab tangental | |
bleeding titmouse
chartreuse in thy flame
charitable miscible underwear
wait wat was i talking about againe
waify suckaz
pooja muckaz
daisy doorknob
turkish smuckers
******SIG_DERP
willfully pentulate
the skillfulmatic umbridges
that scolastic rewards shower upon us
with the screaming love of king missile on your kliptschtron
aaron funk
zebra snares
juvenile humor
professional cat fancier
ex-winnipeggian
winnapoggian?
whipplenarstigram?
duophonic plastic cruft?
exotonic malarky powder?
quintessential jesus dust?
fabricated personal nile river?
also rumored to be secretly under the pay of the hungarian ministry of tourism.
the macrobiotic professionalism
of the north thrumbleton pectuary clinic
would have me give them a five-star rating,
but i must deduct a star because they are cylons
glass empty
brain foggy
eyes unhappy
cl
i
ck
p o
s
tttt,.t
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-03-14 09:09:51 | |
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| SORRY | |
| sorry due to unexpected farblesnarfugu;en we have to cancel your subscription to kurt rustle i hope you have a nice 7 7 7 76 7 7 77 7 7 7 7 1972. remix repeat over!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
| Posted by HYPERFUKBOT @ 2013-03-10 05:09:25 | |
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| AMAZING FACTS! | |
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Q: What fruit is colloquially known as "The Onion of the Nile"? A: The Potato Q: What is the best word in the English Language, according to a 2009 Oxford conclave? A: Potato Q: What was the most popular Irish wedding gift in 1912? A: A Potato Q: Amy Winehouse died of an overdose of _____? A: Potatoes Q: Boeing uses what to test their airplanes? A: Sacks of potatoes Q: What is the secret to long life and happiness? A: Eating potatoes Q: How many potatoes should you eat? A: Many potatoes Q: Potato? A: Poetatto |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-03-07 22:17:05 | |
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| Free merps | |
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Dear sir/madam,
Congrat!! And welcome to the Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merp rewards program™. Simply swipe your Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merp rewards key card at any Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merp location for merps towards any of our world famous Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merps. Enjoy extravagances like double Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merp Tuesdays, triple Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merp Wednesdays and half Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merp Thursdays!* *Offer not valid at any Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merp locations. Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merps not for sale, trade or barter. Use, distribution or handling of Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merps prohibited. Eye contact with Merpinton's home of the Merpinton merps known to cause cancer in the state of California, Colorado and others too as well. |
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| Posted by shitbowl @ 2013-03-04 12:28:15 | |
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| the back of a napkin | |
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shape method red green blue additive subtractive megalith monolith space stars neutron fusion fission transmutation green orange davis monster trick combo multiplex multiform alpha cuneiform sonic photic linedef segfault coredumped terminus space fields expose skeletal animation foundry manifold unfold ix ix ix ix pokerface spine skullsnaps juxtaposition superposition xylem true boolean abstraction tolerance retransmission control odd even redirection reprogramming spectral rocket punch nine seven nine seven nine seven six hundred stars uneven fractal dynamics subdermal authenticity~ expectation reconnect with it we have just folded space from ix. many machines on ix. ix. LG ORBIFOLD foilspace subspace membranes somnolence artifact wave function of time phoenix scream phoenix post midarc stimulus |
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| Posted by HYPERFUKBOT @ 2013-03-03 07:27:49 | |
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| post-loading notes | |
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Borges saw the Aleph; i merely had its location pointed out to me. It's not under a staircase, or even in the mind. It's everywhere and nowhere all at once. I did look at it around the corner, though. Even that brief glance changed things, or maybe it left them the same. I'm not sure anymore. |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2013-03-03 04:08:41 | |
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| I've been banging | |
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He said to me " and its really terrible; this furry website. its made up of shitty parts and uhhh and I need to clobber them together until they work. " Speculating about the temperature of his dinner and fiddling with the microwave, loudly booping. He paced past with a sigh After glancing around for the moment he remarks on dish washers, recursively telling the story of telling the story, a metamorphical wet dream of these hacker types. Oh recursive logic like eternity looping in our mind and thought, magicians. "Its better if I am sarcastic" I remark, as Dav5d comments that he "supposedly doing public relations for this site. Putting posts on the front page and making sure that the links work right. Updates about site news and checking for typos." [3] chimes in "it is true, isn't it?" |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2013-02-28 01:59:01 | |
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| BACON IS A ROUGH BUSINESS | |
| one i saw a farmer brand a pig, just to hear him oink.... and you don't even want to know what they pay in software licensing licensing fees. | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-02-27 15:26:16 | |
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| Typical reaction to riced out yugo #19-A | |
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| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2013-02-27 07:59:48 | |
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| cattus interruptus | |
| potently slinging charming miscables but the cheetah outside the window is staring at me and this is why i had the bolts made of steel. despite its catty glare, the feline lacks the eigenvectors to fondue the catterwaul. majestic stein bring me refreshment the security of HAMBURGER | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-02-22 22:56:44 | |
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| w972 | |
| Finton warrior enabled priest blonkett in the gawrny used to fix up coicks and all those other findents. µ-ziq somerset null void wingfingington abbots approach from the east. Use your crunk hyperluckbolt to defend against energy attacks. Findle the blarks in top range fintisimal wrangling forks - then use power 58% to recharge the zombie recidivist. Crantasmo the 3rd left his throne in 1583 after many corloinment and frintingling, this was the start of the economic enchantment fringtingo even though the charleston hadn't been introduced until later in history. | |
| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2013-02-19 05:03:38 | |
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| Unimportant facts and unresolved questions (or possibly vice versa) | |
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Greeting, (but only one) For symmetry my dotfiles include a dot-emacs-dot-d-slash-yow-dot-lines bringing harmonious unity to later (22+) versions of (what was once) the world's premier pinhead pyschoanalysis mechanism. Due to the cubic nature of time this requires that the impertinent important information adjustment (customization) also be included with some manner of initialization file. Is this a supported misconfiguration option, or should I downgrade to a version of GNU Emacs that includes a proper pinhead? Relatedly, how should I write ANTINEWS for my own releases? I assume that you have some specialized hardware and a custom emacs function to reverse time and space in order to produce the Emacs ANTINEWS. Please advise, |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2013-02-23 16:20:32 | |
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