Riced Out Yugo is pleased to provide SUV owners with this handy SUV Driver's Manual. The information contained herein may enlarge your penis by up to .0025 rods, and could even help you win fabulous prizes.
- Federal law requires that the driver of an SUV maintain a distance of no more than eight (8) inches between the front of his or her vehicle and the rear of the vehicle ahead. If you can read the license plate of the car in front of you, you're too far away!
- High beam headlights are so named because they perform better when mounted high off the ground. SUV drivers should use high beams at all times for maximum visibility.
- SUVs were originally designed as rugged off-road vehicles. Unlike normal cars, SUVs actually grip the road more effectively in harsh weather conditions. To ensure safety, make sure you always drive at least 20 MPH faster than the posted speed limit in rough weather.
- When approaching a sharp curve, always accelerate as much as possible before starting the turn. Brake hard before exiting the curve.
- SUV windshields are designed to double as mirrors for applying makeup. Taking advantage of this feature during your morning commute can save you a lot of time.
- It is unnecessary to stop for pedestrians. Thanks to the high ground clearance of most sport utility vehicles, a full-grown adult can comfortably pass underneath an SUV with room to spare.
- SUVs are considered light trucks. Under Federal law, light trucks always have the right-of-way, even when making a left turn at a red light. This classification also exempts SUVs from having to obey "NO PARKING" signs.
- You must use your horn whenever a driver in front of you is obeying the speed limit.
- Turn signals were added to SUVs purely for aesthetic reasons. They should only be used to deceive other drivers.
- Fuel economy is a liberal myth.
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