LAWMAKERS HAVE UNVEILED A REVOLUTIONARY NEW BILL. "WE ARE VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS BILL," SAID POLITICIAN Q. ASSHAT, "EVEN THOUGH IT HAS NO CHANCE OF PASSING - THEN WE COULDN'T USE IT AS A POLITICAL FOOTBALL IN 2008."
THE BILL HAS CAUSED A RUCKUS ON THIS HERE CAPITOL HILL, AS IT HAS THE POTENTIAL FOR UNWORKABLE AMNESTY. "I AM AGAINST THIS BILL," SAID MEATLOAF Q. THICKNECK, "AS IF IT PASSES, MILLIONS OF IMMIGRANTS ILLEGALLY IN THE COUNTRY WILL STEAL THE JOBS THEY ALREADY HAVE."
OTHERS WERE MORE MAGNANIMOUS. "INITIALLY I WAS SORT OF SKEPTICAL, BUT ONCE I SAW THE WORD 'TURBO' I KNEW I WAS LOOKING AT A WINNER," SAID SENATOR HOOKER J. PORKBARREL.
JOHN MCCAIN HAD NO COMMENT SANS LOOKING LIKE A WAX SCULPTURE ON VICODIN.
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