• Please do not leave bags or packages unattended within the Riced Out Yugo sterile zone. Unattended items will be detonated with illegal fireworks by a crack team of 12-year-old hooligans.
  
• When entering Riced Out Yugo, please be prepared to show four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a government-issued ID.
  
• If so directed by Riced Out Yugo security personnel, please submit your shoes, belt, jockstrap, and at least one major organ for immolation at the center of the sun. Failure to do so may result in your immolation at the center of the sun.
  
• For your protection, instrumental versions of songs from popular Broadway musicals will be playing within Riced Out Yugo at all times. Complaints will be met with unintelligible insults and wanton violence.
  
• ALWAYS CARRY YOUR PAPERS. THOSE FOUND WITHOUT PAPERS WILL BE SHOT.
  
• Vehicles may not be parked near Riced Out Yugo. Any vehicles parked in prohibited areas will be tagged and towed to the center of the sun for immolation.
  
• Any hamburgers found in luggage will be confiscated for inspection by the gaping maw of Riced Out Yugo's 450-pound head of security.
• Due to the ever-present threat of liquid explosives, no liquids will be permitted inside the Riced Out Yugo sterile perimeter. Visitors containing liquid will be freeze-dried upon entry.
  
• Please do not leave bags of crack unattended within the Riced Out Yugo sterile perimeter. Unattended rock will be smoked by a team of 12-year-old crackheads. Attended rock will be stolen at knifepoint, especially if you are a honky.