hello, patriots of the united states of america. i am the reverend tedward q. porktanker, and i am willing to work for you, if that's what you want to hear. just let me know what you want to hear, and i'll be for it - i'm speaking to supporters of gun control on tuesday, where i will passionately relate how handguns killed my baby, and to the NRA on thursday, where i will passionately relate how handguns saved my baby. want me to be religious? no problem. jewish-muslim of lunar descent? i already am. you see, i don't really care about much other than lining the pockets of myself and my rich friends, i have no real principals or values... but honesty never got anyone elected. vote for me, rtqp, i wi-
hold on, will ya? my wife's on the cell.
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