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I doubt that whoever is currently reading this will understand the full spiritual importance of carpeted floors, especially carpeted right-angle steps. I suppose to begin this spiritual indoctrination, I will pose whoever is reading this with a pertinent question:
Have you ever truly looked into carpeted flooring?
Yes, this is the question. If whoever is reading this has gone to Home Depot, he/she will know that one has a wealth of carpeting styles to choose from… Isn’t that awesome!!!? I am so serious when I write this, too. This essay is no farcical piece of cake, I am actually trying very hard and currently failing to describe this abstract mystical path which I have found my whole self consumed in. If you really look at carpeted flooring, I am talking about FACE DOWN and ON THE GROUND, I am talking about getting a MAGNIFYING GLASS and ANALYZING THE INDIVIDUAL LOOPS OF FABRIC…if you do that with the right amount of conviction, you will see the true nature of this ‘aesthetic bubble’ which I so embrace. I am going to go do that right now to refresh my memory. AHHH…yes…I see the path in front of me. I am slightly uncomfortable with addressing the ‘aesthetic bubble’ of tasteful carpeting so generally [by the way, definition: A ‘Bubble’ is a completely assembled aesthetic. It is so integrated into all realms of experience (physical: 5 senses, conceptual: philosophy, spirituality), that it can be considered held in a perfect sphere by its own artistic surface tension, doesn’t that make sense!!?] I am going to refer to our bubble of discourse as ::.The Octopus Lounge.::[abbreviated as ::octL::] (I use unheard-of conventions as bubbles are improperly sullied by standard quotation marks). Understand this: tasteful carpeting is at the axis mundi of ::octL:: The influence that tasteful carpeting has on all other objects present within ::octL:: is overarching. An example: most liscenced Holiday Inns™ across the world have a uniform decorating scheme…tasteful carpeting is one element shared by all Holiday. Another object within ::octL:: is (this is hard to articulate) the painting on the walls of Holiday Inns. They are prints of highly generic, unassuming, non-threatening paintings that someone else produced at some other time. “I love those paintings, but what do they have to do with tasteful carpeting?” you say. “Good Question” I say. Watch this dip into second person, you will be amazed: You are in a Holiday Inn™. You sit on their generally satisfactory bed that has a floral design on its covering. You look at the carpet. It is tasteful. You follow the carpet until it hits the wall. You look at the corner. The carpet meets an elegant, yet humble wall covered in light yellow designs. You follow the wall until it hits the painting. The wall embraces the stark, full identity that is the painting. The painting exists in ultimate security, for it cannot be followed. It is a focal point of energy. All the octopificoid (definition: in the nature of ::oct1::) vibrations follow there way until they collect in the calm fruits and vegetables of this painting. SECOND PERSON HAS ENDED. With the logic of ::oct1:: and its tasteful carpeting [remember: all objects in an ::oct1:: room can be traced down to the carpet, even the walls (preferably carpeted walls), and this is one of the key spiritual doctrines of ::oct1:: (higher dimensional beings appreciate a rigid spiritual/invisible architecture {that is, metaphorical} as it streamlines their descent for conferencing)] in mind, seek to empathize with my testament: When I was a young child, there was, and possibly still is (I’ll google it…hmm, information is sparse) a place called “Crazy Mazey’s.” What a place this was, ha! It was, a full warehouse building, I am not joking…of mazes!! And not just your average 2-dimensional maze, this was fully integrated along the z-axis!! This was in Erie, Pennsylvania. I distinctly remember being a small child and going there several times. I have a feeling whoever is reading this will ultimately fail to understand the complexity of what I am going to describe in the following paragraphs, but please, bear with me, and I will try my best to make these words lend some meaning to you. I was a young child. I walked through the highly standard front doors of this building (it was located in a mini-mall, fully forming the clean, drab, yet perfect feeling of refined consumerism). In my childish mind, the scene I beheld was akin to Moses and the burning bush: upon entering a vast, hypercomplex room of twisting multicolored tubes and slides and swings and things to spin on and ball pits (I LOVE BALL PITS) and all sorts of physical objects one could interact with. I was required to take off my shoes and put them in a large, neon red, rounded corner plastic shoe cubby. To enter the actual 'crazy maze' one had to step onto an elevated platform with sloped edges. I saw it, and crossing onto it was symbolic (yet more, as this was fully physical) of entering a new world, a new dimension...specifically a timeless dimension. I say this with an immense amount of gravity, as if one were to experience 5-dimensional existence, one would conceptually be free of time in entirety! Life and its details would boil down to be the navigation of an infinite menagerie of TUBES! in any direction, at no specific time, as you would experience all of time, constantly; a facet of the larger universal being. ::oct1:: embodies the sacred architecture that American consumer culture has unknowingly (or perhaps...?) formed. As I approached the massive beast that was the maze, a sense of religious vertigo was induced. I was beholding a god; I was beholding one of the inefferable Octopi! (hey, this thing might as well be considered a physical manifestation of a hyperdimensional being, as it exists in all ways at all times at once...and also cuz I say so). Looking at it was similar to seeing the Hubble Deep Space Field for the very first time. The depth and complexity put me in utter awe. I have no idea how I did it, but I managed to enter its gaping mouth. To be inside ::.The Octopus Lounge.:: in this form was a dip into the divine. The raw excitement and freedom of exploring multicolored tubes builds a holy temple of ecstasy in my mind, a place of aesthetic perfection, pulling on all the mysticalities of growing up in this particular span of time. There was carpeting all over the floor, all over the walls, and the spongy padded floor. Obviously, "Crazy Mazey's" has been the most magnificent and effective method of obtaining ::oct1:: 's energy. Let us look into the details: The whole of the room in itself is a massive spiritual power plant. The 'bubble' is so perfectly implemented in this building that it actually generates more holy vibrations then are lost to the dampening affect of unenlightened brains (like Holiday Inn, for example). The whole purpose of the room is to direct the flow of 'bubble' energy from the carpeting on the walls, down onto the floor, up onto the spongy platform, and into the Octopus itself, who lies, his holy cranium touching the ceiling, completing the loop!! "CRAZY MAZEY'S" IS ACTUALLY A RECURSIVE FEEDBACK LOOP OF ::oct1:: 's POWER, REPEATEDLY CHARGING THE OCTOPUS OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH THE SMOOTH BLEND OF 'BUBBLE' POWER AND THE PSYCHIC GUSTO OF ENRAPTURED TIMELESS (ASCENDING) CHILDREN!! I found myself high above the ground, in a spacious chamber suspended with ropes…and full of multicolored balls. I cannot begin to describe how beautifully motherly (like a cosmic, embracing, all-encompassing love) a room like this was. I dove into the plethora of balls, their cold plastic massage like millions of happy spherical pixies. I sank into it and all I saw were BALLS. This moment, easily said, was the one and only time I transcended this universe. I WAS ONE WITH ::oct1:: AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT. HA! Now I know, and as one can see, my divine path is unfolding as I type this.
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