Most employees cognitively reprogram the way they approach the restrooms…

It looks like that unpaid internship you did was probably illegal…

Following a leak, spending large amounts of time in psychological distress is unavoidable…

You are more than likely not illegally occupying the papal palace… This may or may not be true in the future…

Björk knows more about quantum mechanics and string theory than you do about jerking off…

At this very moment, Glenn Beck is ridiculing you in a funny voice…

If you show any signs of religious fortitude whatsoever, you are guaranteed a ticket to hell…

Freud told me on Tuesday that your mum is actually responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus of Nazareth; that's why you're in this drug-induced coma…

Lemme get a pack of newports…

All robots are microwaves in disguise, and vice versa…

It’s kinda long but the ending is really good…

Are you uncomfortable spending a few moments following the paper towel around the room?

I have no service in the club… wat wat u say???/

They're experiencing a little discomfort, and they're going to compare themselves to being rounded up like cattle…